New Adventures are Coming

It has been about two months since I have written. I had fully intended to write a summary of my last month long trip to Haiti, but to be very honest; I didn’t know what to say. The month of March was very possibly the hardest month of my life, and April and May haven’t proven much easier. But God is good and I am praying there is light on the horizon, and I am excited to share it with you.

I went to Haiti in March with two agendas: first, to invest in my Darling’s and my relationship for about 3 weeks, and second, to assist in facilitating mission teams with the Palau Association for the last week.

The short story is that I arrived in Haiti with the exciting prospect of spending 3 weeks with my love, and very quickly found out that he no longer had feelings for me. We tried to work through anything possible that would “bring his feelings for me back” but to no avail. We ended up breaking up a few weeks after I returned to the States.

That being said, I was (and still am) quite an emotional wreck. I still don’t know how I went on to help facilitate mission teams for 10 days right after that, but our God is good, and He gives strength to the weak.

In those last 10 days of my time in Haiti, God was at work doing many exciting things behind the scenes in my life. Not only were there many people saved through the time the teams spent serving, and the Festival, but He has opened up 2 very exciting doors for me.

The first is that I have the blessing of going to Tanzania two times this summer. I will be working with the Palau Association as Liz Eischen’s assistant. She is an amazing woman and we will have the joy of coordinating the mission teams together again before a large Festival in August.

The second life changing opportunity that God is giving me is to move to Haiti. Yes, that’s right. Move to Haiti. Live, work, love and have a life … in Haiti. I am beyond excited. It still doesn’t seem quite real. If all goes well, I will be moving the first week of September to a city called Croix-des-bouquets with an organization called the Global Orphan Project (GOP). I will be their Mission team Manager/Host. GOP is an incredible organization that has orphan villages all over the world and something like 16 orphan villages in Haiti alone. (To learn more about GOP go to theglobalorphanproject.org) They also have a hotel that hosts about one mission team a week all year round. I will l live in the hotel and serve each team as they come in. I can’t even begin to explain all of the intricacies of this position that fit the mold of what God has been doing in my heart over the last 2 years.

As excited as I am about moving to Haiti, I know I will miss many things about life here. My family and dear friends, Junior high group at Solid Rock, my incredible roomates with my amazing little apartment, and the best job I’ve ever had. But it is so worth the sacrifices to be walking in the midst of God’s will and story for my life.

The next few months hold the promises of many plane rides, new culture, adventures and lots of fundraising. And I look forward to each new thing, challenges included, as a chance to rejoice in the good things that our God does. I am so blessed to be His child. That in the midst of the hardest, most painful parts of life, he never leaves us, and He fills us with His joy and new prospects, if only we listen to Him. I am learning. J

The most difficult 4 letterd word: LOVE

Love. A word so small and yet so vast. The last weeks I feel as if I have been in school. The school of learning to love. I don’t mean the kind of fuzzy love that you get when you have a crush on someone, or the love that you feel for your dog or cat. I mean the nitty gritty love that loves its enemy when you have been hurt by them already. The love that never fails. The love that Christ loved us with so much so, that He would die for us, even though we were still sinners, and had not yet come to love Him.

I’m sure many of you know how to love with this love already, and this concept I am just now learning, is something that you practice daily. But in my life, I haven’t had too many people be unloving to me, that I am still daily in contact with and trying to love as Jesus would love them.

Luke 6:27-36 speaks of loving your enemy. The one who hates you, the one who curses you and mistreats you. He tells us to love the person who slaps us across the face and steals our coat off of our back. He tells us to treat them exactly how we hope they would treat us.

Then in verses 37-42 He goes into the all infamous passage about taking the log out of your own eye, not judging  and forgiving.

In our bibles there are different headings separating the two sections of scripture, yet when Jesus spoke these words, I don’t think He meant them to be separate thoughts. I think when we think about loving our enemy, we do need to examine ourselves to see if we are doing any of the same things to them and “forgive them, for they know not what they do”.

En*e*my. noun. A person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something. One who acts in a way contrary to another’s best interests.

Who is our enemy? Satan. Yes. Ursula from the Little Mermaid? Duh! These are very obvious enemies. But what about our husbands when they don’t say nice words to us? Our mother in-laws when they degrade our wife-abilities, our brother when he doesn’t share. I was just reading in CS Lewis’s The Screwtape Letters about how Uncle Wormwood writes to his Devil of a nephew Screwtape to build up in his subject’s mind, the idea of loving his enemy in the midst of world war II by foolish ideals such as taking the German pilot who fell out of the sky into his home and nurse him back to health, all the while, encouraging him to neglect his mother who is getting on his nerves and snap at her at any chance he gets.

I in the same way, don’t ususally think of the people closest to me, as the ones that I need to love as I love my enemy, instead I try and “help them learn how to best please me” or manipulate situations into getting my way or justify my unloving actions because they did so first. But that’s not what Jesus teaches us. And then, always,  1 Corinthians 13 that tells us exactly how we should act. We must be patient, kind, not envying or boasting. Not being proud selfish or rude we must not keep track of all the times someone does something mean. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always trusts, always hopes and always preservers. I wish I was truly like this all the time! can you imagine how changed our world would be, if all those who are filled with the Spirit actually listened to Him and acted this way??!!

A couple of days ago I walked through town to the beach a mile or so away from my hotel by myself. I was in a decent mood, and trotted down to the sea shore. Have you ever noticed that the Ocean is like a magnifying glass for emotion? If you are happily romping with your friends, the waves seem to play along happily dancing and crashing with you. Yet, if you are by yourself, even if you do not feel lonesome, the waves scream at you of your state of aloneness and drown out all voices of reason. I went to the beach Naomi (Pleasant) and left Mara (Bitter). And as I walked home in silence, feeling bitterly alone, a group of guys started calling out at me. Now, this is a daily occurrence, and most of the time I ignore it, or sometimes joke good naturedly with them that I am not a dog, even though they are calling me like one. Not so on this day. One of the guys used all the English he had, trying to grab my attention, even though I was now a block away and he called “hey sister! Look at me!” I was SO annoyed. So tried of being called at by Haitian males as a piece of meat, and so I snapped back in perfect creole “I don’t want to look at you.” and coldly continued to walk away, leaving the group of guys silenced. I know it doesn’t seem that big of a deal, but where was my heart? Was it for loving my enemy? Was it for caring for the least of these as if he were our Lord? Unfortunately no. the Lord gently rebuked me in that moment, and I knew I was not being loving.

I’ve been practicing now. It does seem to get easier to love, even if that love is unreciprocated. And especially when I am going to our wonderful Heavenly Father to be filled with His love every day. He is so good. And SO patient with a silly girl like me.

Thoughts

Two of my favorite giggly kids

It is my 11^th day in Haiti. It is strange how normal it feels to have not seen another white person for 11 days. I have not spoken English with an American for 11 days and I have felt completely at home. I felt before I left, that my 3 weeks spent in Jacmel would be restful, and I am blessed to say, that thus far, they are. I generally do some sort of work in the morning, go to the kids feeding program in the afternoon and giggle with ridiculously cute kids till I head to the hotel for a nap. After a refreshing nap under the ceiling fan in my room, I head to dinner and then either to church or to hang out. I could get used to this life. I got mono last November, and since then have not quite been the same.  Before I came here I was so fatigued, I could hardly make it through an entire workday, and then would be lucky if I had enough energy to go home and put some food in my mouth before I tumbled into bed. I think the sunshine and consistent schedule are doing me well, I have only felt slightly fatigued a few times. God is so good!

I am looking forward to the festival in a little more than a week. I feel the Lord has been laying on my heart the word “boldness” for the festival and the week before hand.

Proverbs 28:1 “The righteous are as bold as a lion.”

In Acts 4:29 Peter and John ask God to enable them to speak His Word with great boldness

The very last verse of Acts says that Paul rented a house for two years, and while living there welcomed any that would come and see him, and he proclaimed the Kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ- with all boldness and without hindrance.

2 Corinthians 3:12 Paul talks about being very bold because of the great hope that we have in the New Covenant that Christ made for us.

Why should we not be bold? We who believe in Jesus Christ have the greatest gift ever given to mankind! Its life giving, freeing, and exhilarating! And yet, we fear to share it, we fear rejection, we fear hurting people’s feelings. I think instead of shying away from the truth, we must fear God alone, and speak the truth of God’s love with grace and truth.

I’m talking to myself here, more than anyone. I am guilty of shying away from gospel sharing opportunities, or being uncomfortable when in a situation of talking about Jesus, and yet Revelation 12:11 says “they overcame by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimonies, and they did not love their lives so much as to shrink away, even when faced with death.” That’s boldness! That’s truth!

I was so excited to witness some of this boldness on Sunday morning. Our church in Haiti always asks visitors to stand and introduce themselves to the congregation and state if they are a believer in Jesus Christ or not. This particular Sunday, a gal stood up saying that she believed in God, but had not yet accepted Jesus as her savior. Our pastor shrieked in amazed disbelief that anyone could hear, know and understand the goodness of Jesus and not immediately accept Him. So pastor called her , and anyone else who desired to make Jesus their Lord and Savior, (there were 5 in all) forward before the entire congregation to pray over them, and with them as they accepted Christ. Pastor then had them go to the back room with an usher so they could follow up with them and get them into a discipleship program. 5 people saved in one morning!!! All because a pastor had the boldness to ask a simple question, and was not afraid to call someone out in love.

Side note- I cannot tell you enough how obsessed I am with my new Bible. It’s the new NIV single column one. I feel like I couldn’t eat enough of the words in it to ever be fully satisfied, and yet I walk away from every moment with my Father’s words in it feeling completely satiated. Something about it feels like I’ve never read the words on the pages before, and yet, I’ve read some of these words hundreds of times over my life. I suppose it is how I imagine old married couples to feel when they wake up one day with a new serge of “first love” for their spouse that they haven’t felt in decades, even though the love of faithfulness has taken its place.

Do you ever have those days where you wake up and feel there is nothing truly worth getting out of bed for, but you pull yourself out of the tangle of sheets and blankets because you find you can’t stand your own morning breath, or you need to use the bathroom. And then, because you know it is what you should do, you crack open your Bible where the book marker told you you left off, and being to read. And the instant your eyes read the first word, the moment it makes its way to your heart, a fresh wind of life blows through empty house of your soul, and you truly begin to wake. By the time you’ve read the first stanza, a smile cracks your frown hardened face and you all of a sudden can’t wait to see what the day holds for you with your God.  When you are full of His life like that, it is as if no trial or any petty arguments have any place in the grand scheme of His goodness, and anything can roll off your shoulder with a smile. But by afternoon you are wearied, ready for a nap and getting a little snappy at the adorable kids around you, who just want some attention. You don’t feel like you have the energy to go to His word, but it is the only thing that is as refreshing as water in a dry and weary land. And so you do as time has proven effective, and you again open the pages of the life- giving book that so many hands have opened before yours and you drink deep of His love, His truth, grace and fear. And He gives you strength again to face the rest of the day. I suppose it is a bit like eating. Do you ever have those days? I’ve had quite a grand string of them and I wish I could say that every time I began to feel weary and heavy laden, I ran to Him, but I haven’t. I wish I had. I’m sure I would be in a much better spot in life right now if I had of, but His sanctification process and patience to us are dear and I am grateful to be His child.

Dreaming of a New Day

It has been more than seven and a half months since I have written and honestly I will be shocked if anyone reads this. But something is pulling at my heart again to write down my thoughts and share them.

Since I have last wrote in July I have returned to the states and gone back to Haiti twice. In those two trips God spoke to me in a new thing. That thing is ‘evangelism’.

I have always had a heart to see people come to know our incredible God and that has taken on many forms throughout the years. From giving a good haircut, to a shoulder to cry on; from working hard, to actually laying out the gospel to those who don’t yet know it. This has happened in Haiti as well, but generally when I am there, the intent of our trips is not evangelism, but rather service. Serving is what I’m comfortable at doing. When the Lord really got ahold of my heart when I was seventeen it was through the story of Jesus washing His disciples feet and in Matthew chapter twenty verses twenty six through twenty eight which says “whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, ²⁷ and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; ²⁸ just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” In the moment He really got ahold of my heart nine years ago, I became His servant. And to tell a servant to evangelize can be a bit of a scary thing for that servant. However… anytime our God calls us to do something, He will always give us the strength to do it.

So here is the story. In September on a visit to surprise my Darling for his birthday the Lord simply put the word “evangelism” on my heart. (And to any of you who have not heard yet, I have a Haitian Darling. He is amazing. I hope you get to meet him some day)

In December I went to Carrefour to serve on another Solid Rock team and an interesting situation arose. We were working to build a fence to begin to move some of the tents out of a certain area. Of course no one is going to be excited for their home (no matter how temporary) to be moved, but the things that our team saw weren’t just people being frustrated that they had to move, it was a desperation and corruption of them trying to hold on to something that not only wasn’t theirs, but is not nearly as great as what God could provide for them, if only they would trust in Him. I ended up getting caught in the midst of two almost-riots, and, being the only person to speak Creole ended up being the one in the center of a raging crowd trying to calm them down and explain that God has better things in store than their measly, leaky tent on borrowed property. Praise the Lord they didn’t riot right then, or we may have gotten trampled, but they still did not see any of the hope I was trying to show them. The next day we tried to continue work on the fence, after the people in the village had destroyed our previous progress. This day, instead of rioting, they decided to throw rocks at us in a desperate attempt to see our work stopped. They threw vollies of rocks at us for a good forty five minutes until one of our teammates got hit in the head and we ran for the indoors (praise the Lord she was ok).

Over the last two years I have come into contact with many Haitians who are in dire circumstances and most of them know the Lord and have hope. Either hope of a better life here on earth, a better life in heaven but most importantly, the hope that no matter what the situation, Our God is there with them fighting for them, loving them and comforting them even in the worst of situations. But getting to talk to those people in the village who later threw stones at us, I know that they did not have this hope. The hope of Jesus Christ.

My heart has been re-impassioned (is that even a word?) for the people of Haiti. There is a new desperation in the depths of my soul to see the people of Haiti changed by God’s love and grace. To see them have hope for today.

This is where the story picks up. In ten days I will be headed to Haiti for almost a month. I have the honor of working with the Luis Palau Association in Port-au-Prince at their “Fun in the Son” festival. It will be a week spent doing medical clinics, eye clinics, VBS, prison visits and tent city outreach, climaxing in a two day festival. The rest of my time will be spent in Jacmel with my Darling and the church down there, doing whatever God may have for me.

The trip down there I get to travel with a young man from Solid Rock and am excited to hear his story. And while I am in Port-au-Prince working the festival I have the honor of being the mission team coordinator’s assistant. She is a dear friend of mine and I am so blessed to spend a week serving the Lord along-side of her in my favorite place on earth.

The next ten days will be spent working my tail off to try and make enough money to pay all of my bills to be gone for a month. (I still need a couple grand before I go) and praying for all that the Lord is doing and going to do through us and in the people of Haiti. I don’t know why He chose me to get to have these epic adventures with Him, but I sure am glad He did.

For the most part, I try to keep day dreaming to a minimum, but I take great joy in dreaming of a Haiti where the majority knows Jesus and where riots don’t happen and bus drivers don’t get shot for money. Where the streets resound with praises to The Living God and not to voodoo gods. I will work for the dream of that Haiti.